Obsessions ( Rough Draft, Experiment)

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I will keep calm before my coworkers.

 

I will not give in to my phobia, compulsions.

I will not give in to my phobia, compulsions.

No, I will not give in to my phobia, compulsions.

 

But–no, I won’t.

I will not give in to my phobia (and, compulsions).

I will not give in to my phobia.

I will not give in to my phobia (over there).

I will not give in to my…

I will not give in to–well…

I will not give in.

I will not give in.

I’m trying not to give in.

I will not give in.

 

I will not give.

I will not give (so much time to this)

I will not give.

I will not.

I will not (think about it anymore).

I will not…(No. I will not.End of discussion).

I will not.

I will (try to take deep breaths )

I will.

I will (focus on the EXIT sign  instead)

I will.

I

 

…have to remove it. Scrape it out of sight,

then out of mind before I stop breathing

before I have a heart attack,

before the bile rises,

before the migraine.

I will worry,

analyse a co-worker watching me,

the office gossip about the workplace nutcase,

later.

Today, control has priority

and the next day,

I will keep calm.

I will not give in to my phobia, compulsions…

 

Note: I do have an anxiety disorder but it’s not OCD. However, I’ve been told I have an obsessive compulsive personality and I tend to be compulsive. This is what a typical argument with my anxious brain feels like.

Also: Experimental rough draft. 

 

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