The older I get
the less I’m certain except
to find that the truth is,
we don’t become more of an adult
less of a child.
I want to find
bouquet of flowers,
place it before you
on the coffee table,
watch you smile,
watch them wilt
ashamed of standing
next to your beauty,
compared to their petals
and even then,
that’s not enough
love I can give .
I love the way
you enter the foyer
and give me a bouquet
of the scent of rain
on your skin
with your embrace.
I was desperate to become
but reached the top and found
it didn’t even exist
we never really become
more of an adult
just less of a child.
I was just minding my own
business. Then my brain
tapped me on the shoulder one day:
“See that? Obsess over it”
“You just gotta.”
I’m getting older.
The dishes are piling up in the sink.
I still run into potholes on the road.
And the bathroom mirror reflects seven years
Of bad luck and counting.
I pictured life would be cleaner, an easy swipe
On a knife with a sponge.
But even with prescriptions, adulthood
Is kind of messy
And, if you want me to be perfectly honest,
I’m starting to like it that way.
It reminds me of last August, when I started driving
Down rubbery roads salted with dust,
Framed by ancient trees.
The only time I stopped was to find a place to sleep—
And to find a place to belong—mostly barrooms,
Brick buildings with sloppy paint jobs covering the doors
And sometimes the windows.
Tired overweight men would meet me there after work, talking
To me as a daughter, but confessing they only gave
Me secrets because they couldn’t talk like this
with their wives anymore.
Once I realized I wasn’t home, I left again
Until I stopped searching for a finale
And just drove to the next town before I got bored,
Then grew so comfortable
When I stopped looking,
If I found anything at all.
I came back after the first cool front
And everything was still a mess,
But why bother cleaning up what’s
Meant to collect grime overtime.
It’s not failure to thrive, but
to survive despite the conditions,
growing older and maybe, somewhat
growing up to know a little more since birth.